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Is hope the most destructive emotion?

Let’s consider this question for a bit.

For some, hope is the only thing they have – they can only hope for a better tomorrow. For others, it’s their strength – being able to draw power from this emotion, this thought, to push forward. Others yet, cling onto hope without considering anything else – one could say they ‘live on a blind hope’.

All people have at a point in time, rather, many points in time, experienced the feeling of hope. It’s really hard to describe it – one’s experience of hope often differs from another’s, and if both were made to describe ‘hope’, surely they’d come up with different examples and explanations. This is not my quest here – I’m not trying to pinpoint ‘hope’. I’m just trying to understand how far ‘hope’ can be negative, or can result in negative consequences rather. I think that ‘hope’ isn’t explored as much as it should as an emotion/thought/etc. I think it’s just left to ‘exist’. Consequently, it’s probably the least contested emotion/thought.

However you define hope, just feel it or think it for a second. Let’s experiment. Now that you have this hope, now that you’ve channelled it, what if it materialised? How would you react? Would you actually react the way you think you’d react? What would happen next? Do you actually want this thing, this hope, to materialise? Can it, in fact, materialise – is it actually possible for it to materialise? And then again, the line between the possible and the impossible is probably rather thin. Everything seems so circular, doesn’t it?

I really don’t know where I want to end with this. I think I just dug a hole for myself. Anyway, I just think I need a bit more time investing ‘hope’. It’s an exploration-worthy subject, though I think the best knowledge will come from experience on this. My interim bottom-line is that each ‘hope’ should be considered on its own terms. And when you have a ‘hope’ about something, you should really assess this hope, as fully as possible. I think many times people are afraid to assess their hopes. Sometimes hopes are so pink and fluffy and feel-good, that even the slightest doubt could destroy their positive value, and we’re just not willing to consider the slightest hurdle to our ‘hope’. Why destroy a good thing, right? But what if we’re destroying a good thing so that a better thing can come along later? And what if it’s just not a good thing after all?

I think hope can be very illusive and illusionary. Be wary. Destruction and perfection are close relatives.

 

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The Calm Before The Storm?

Dear Diary,

It almost feels like this nowadays, like a diary, which I open up only on select occasions, to write a few thoughts. This ‘Diary’ probably holds less than 1% of all of my thoughts, for they are so many, and they come and they go, new ones pop in, as old ones fade away. It’s been maybe 3 weeks now that I’ve been thinking of writing up a blog post on here, to update my virtual diary on my life, and my self really. It felt like I hadn’t written anything in ages, when I saw that it’s only been since March. Well, today seems like a good day to write anyway.

For a large part of this summer, I felt that my life was plain sailing, in fact, extraordinary sailing, not just plain. The sea was as calm as ever, the sun shining bright, not a single cloud above me, with a light, beautiful breeze. When everything’s going great, greater than you ever thought, you can’t but wonder, “is this the calm before the storm?”. I think that that’s how we were brought up, to understand that life isn’t actually plain sailing, but there’s good and bad days, and all that jazz. Sure, life isn’t easy, and neither is it fair, and it’s better for some than for others, but maybe we’re holding on so tightly to that “the calm before the storm” thought, that we don’t enjoy the happy moments as much, fearing tomorrow! One could say that that’s good, that’s how it’s supposed to be, so that one is always prepared to face the bad day when it comes along. But I say that’s bad, and I hope a few would agree with me, I say that we need to let go of those ‘life quotes’ for a bit, and just live. Some of them will turn out to be right, but isn’t it better to make our own life quotes? Why do we have to live by other people’s quotes? We don’t live their lives. We don’t know their lives. We’re not them. We get to write our own stories, and therefore our own quotes!

But anyway, I digress. And I’m now going to contradict myself a bit. So, everything was going great as I mentioned above. This summer has been sweet. When… a piece of information flew to my ears, and one could say shook me a bit, and again today, another piece of information revealed itself to me, and my sail found some rough water. Could say the storm is beginning to take form, right? No. I don’t accept this. Neither of the two pieces of information were able to throw me off my sail, turn my sail upside down, or alter the calm environment my sail and I are currently exploring. And maybe that’s still just the calm before the storm? We’ll see. But let’s not. Let’s not see. Let’s not wait for something to happen. Let’s just sail. Maybe it’ll get better! Maybe it always just gets better!

In any case, what I want to come to here is this: I believe that life is as simple as we make it. And yes, there are things that are outside our control. But, we’re also agents, autonomous beings, who can build safety nets, and defence walls, and hold shields… As we grow, we build alliances, and yes, some of the people around us go, but new people walk in, and we become ever stronger, and more able, and cleverer, and happier.

La vie est très belle. And it gets more beautiful every day. So, let’s live its beauty, and fear nothing. Let’s be unbeatable sailors.

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Spirituality

I’ve always been fascinated with spirituality, though I’ve never actually researched it or looked into it for that matter. I think this is partly because I’m not a spiritual person myself and I’ve always felt as though even if I read into it, I wouldn’t be able to do anything with my knowledge anyway. Rather defeatist, I know – and perhaps, the biggest excuse you’ve ever come across. You can’t deny though, that when you’re a spiritual person, you’re more likely to want to know more, whereas when you’re ‘immune’ to it, you just let it be.

Now, there’s a question as to how far a person who’s not spiritual at the moment can become spiritual, either over time, or through efforts of his/her own. Well, I don’t know. All I know is that sometimes I wish I was more spiritual (be careful what you wish for, though), but I have almost never experienced any spiritual effect, which can be quite sad on one view. The only thing worth mentioning is a few déjà-vus I’ve had, which though fascinating, unfortunately there isn’t much more I can say of them. I have a few friends who are spiritual, but still nothing too significant.

I just came on here to ask whether anyone knows anything about spirituality they’d like to share in the comments, and whether they have any ‘tips’ as to how to become more spiritual overall (and whether it’s a good thing)?

When I first got into the Law of Attraction (LoA), I thought that as I became more in tune with myself and nature, spirituality would follow, but this has not been the case. It almost seems as though the LoA pushed it further away! Anyway, any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, or any articles/posts you think are relevant, please share!
SPIRITUALITY

The Law of Attraction

As promised, a blog post on the Law of Attraction (LoA). When I initially wrote about this in my last post, I decided I’d wait for some time, a specified time period, before I wrote this post, so that I could practise the LoA some more (considering I do think I’m still a ‘nooby’ in this area), and hopefully collect some empirical evidence to show for it in the meantime. The specified time period I set for myself hasn’t ended yet, but it’s a principle of the LoA that if you push it, it won’t happen, so I decided to write this post at this time anyway, and perhaps at some point in the future, when I write about this topic again, having gained some more experience, I’ll see how my perceptions have changed – where I was (where I am now), and how far I’ve come.

The LoA has many aspects to it, many principles which form it. There are ‘core’ topics, and more advanced ones as well. Even if I tried to go through all the ‘core’ ones, I think I wouldn’t be as comprehensive as I would’ve liked, and so I’ll only talk briefly of the ones which formed my experience up until now, and with further posts, explore the topic more and more, hopefully reaching a satisfactory level of completeness at some point in a future time.

I’d like to start with the principle which most excites me, and this is synchronicity. I’ve read that this is one of the commonest ways the universe uses to ‘speak’ to you, or at least show you that you’re on the right path. Synchronicity is experienced differently by each of us, so it can’t be that if you don’t see 11:11 each time you check your phone for the time, the LoA isn’t working for you. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen this number (or number 7 for that matter, another supposedly common-occurrence number) for the time I’ve been practising the LoA. I think synchronicity can be as simple as arriving at the bus stop at a time which is most convenient for you to take the bus, without rush, but also without waiting time. I know this may sound just as a coincidence, particularly to the LoA-sceptics, and indeed, I can’t say that I’m a LoA go-hard believer either! I’ve only been practising this for a very short time! I guess it’s just, seeing these things happening as you go through your day, and they add up, trust me. It almost feels as though the universe is working in your favour. Don’t get me wrong though, there are bad days too! You can have a day where everything just goes wrong, but I think the important lesson here, another of the core principles, perhaps falling slightly into the more advanced topics, is to make sure that you use these bad days to your advantage, to try to turn them around, and see how the entire day changes if you keep pushing against the bad things that are happening!

In any case, the reason synchronicity is my favourite part of the LoA should be clear – it’s more concrete (as concrete as it can be, haha), than just manifesting, and meditating, and believing. To be honest, meditating is not my thing at all. But yet again, maybe that’s because I haven’t spent any time at all practising it! How are you supposed to learn without practice? I’ve been quite lazy at this part of the LoA, and it’s something I’ll try to engage in soon enough. Manifesting is something that I’ve only just began trying to do, and to be honest, I won’t be able to say that it works until I see some material results. It’s easy to point to success with positive thinking and good deeds, but with manifesting, that’s a whole different story. Nonetheless, I’m open, and I don’t doubt its potential. This is important.

Never doubt. Doubting creates a wall, a barrier to what you want. It messes with the process. This is one of the hardest things to do, to be completely honest with you. It’s hard not to doubt. Even if you say, as I just did, I don’t doubt, I believe, you have to master your subconscious mind to make sure you actually do that. Consciously, you may, but subconsciously? That’s the most important part. Again, I would class the subconscious mind an advanced topic, and therefore one of the hardest areas of the LoA. One could argue that the LoA is the subconscious mind, though I do believe that the conscious mind is the first step, and only through mastering the conscious mind can one master the subconscious. I also think that the subconscious mind is one of the things which require time for someone to actually see the results of their efforts. It’s a slow process. Not only is it slow, but the daily life and the conscious mind often result in a lot of back and forth for the subconscious mind. You may think you have it all figured out, that you’re positive, and manifesting, and the universe is all on your side, and then the next morning you wake up with a message that throws you completely off! Getting back on track clearly becomes easier with practice, but practice needs time, and this is my reasoning for the subconscious mind complete.

Anyway, I realise that this post is getting long. I’ll be back with an update soon. Or as soon as I need to, at least. I need to have something more to say, after all. I don’t aim to convince you about the LoA (I don’t think I could even if I tried to be honest). I think that for the LoA to have even the slightest chance of working for you, you have to seek it out for yourself, and really throw yourself into its practice, allowing yourself to experience what it can give you, all with the premise that you also put in the work. Until next time, give it a try! Watching YouTube videos (my motivation for everything nowadays) really helped me get on track – now, here’s a concrete tip!

Your feedback always makes me happy!

Although I haven’t written for a while now, and it’s quite often nowadays that I take long breaks from this blog, it’s still here, for everyone on the internet to visit, at any time. A friend of mine came across it some time ago, and commended me on my writing at the time. He praised my writing in person yesterday once more, and this is probably what sparked my interest to come back on here today. His kind words undoubtedly made me very happy, not because I expect praise on my writing style or ideas, but rather because whenever someone mentions my blog, it establishes a closer connection between us. I think one of the most intimate experiences one can have is read the writings of another. Our writings don’t only reflect our thoughts at the time of writing, but also our feelings, and even our overall experiences, and sense of self. What our writings reflect is a post all on its own.

I don’t think I realise how public this platform actually is. Through the years, I’ve had a few people talk to me about my blog, mostly people who are close to me, and although I know that what I write is out there to be read by everyone and anyone, I don’t think I completely understand this very fact – or rather, I don’t think I always remember it. I often confront my readers, saying it’s a personal blog, that I’m not writing for publicity or for anyone to read. Naturally, this is contradictory. As I’m publishing my writings on this platform, the last thing I should expect is for no one to ever read them. The only justification I can give for this seemingly contradictory position in my head is that writing publicly as I do allows for my thoughts and feelings to be disseminated through the universe more efficiently. This may sound quite absurd to some. Some can even argue that even if I wrote my thoughts on a piece of paper and hid it underneath my bed, they’d still exist in the universe. I don’t disagree, but it does also feel to be a more in sync with the universe process to publish my posts, rather than keep them for myself. I’ve never actually thought about this issue until I began writing this post, and it does appear somewhat strange that publishing on a website, using technology in this way, typing out rather than physically writing, could bring someone more in touch with the physical universe as we know it. Well, this is what it feels like to me, and I guess that’s good enough.

I began learning and exploring the law of attraction recently, which has influenced my thinking on this issue, clearly. I don’t think many people know about the law of attraction, and I think this topic could make for an explorative and even fascinating post.

Coming soon!

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Catch-up

I wanted to come on here and type a couple things, on a day I’m feeling slightly blue, once again.

The first thing I want to say relates to a previous post of mine, to my ‘morning feeling’. I’m amazed at the healing power of writing. It went away – just by facing it and writing it out. Anything can be healed, with time and writing. So, there you go. Is there anything troubling you? Face it, go over it in your head, describe it, explain it, analyse it, write it, and… give it time.

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You’ve got to try and solve it with reason first though. It does wonders, I promise.

 

The second thing I’d like to talk about is again related to time. If you’ve followed my blog for a while you may have realised that I’m slightly afraid of time, or perhaps – on a more positive note – very conscious of it. Well, I think I’ve become time’s friend now, having seen its healing powers (alongside its aging, rushing, and so on, ones). The days come and go quickly, and so my wounds heal, memories vanish, psychology restores. It’s a magical process when you are conscious of it, actually.

 

I should have named this post ‘time’ for one more time on this blog, considering my third piece of advice from experience this past month also seems to relate to it. I wanted to break a habit. I decided that the best way to do it would be to print out a sheet with 30 small boxes on it. Each day I didn’t do what I wasn’t supposed to do I ticked off a box. On the 14th day (I think) I felt strong enough to throw away this piece of paper. The habit was no longer mine. I had broken it off myself – I was free. There’s a couple other habits I’d like to break by using this technique, and I aim to put those to the test soon.

 

At this point you may ask, you have it all figured out, what are you feeling blue about? The answer is as simple as, we all have those days when we’re feeling slightly blue for no particular reason, when we just want to lie somewhere, speak to no one, do nothing – even if it’s just for a short period of time. I think that’s normal, and in fact welcome. It’s nice to know you’re alive, and feeling. It’s rewarding to know why you’re feeling something, accepting it for what it is, and letting it go. Knowledge which has come from experience says that tomorrow will be a new, different day. Isn’t that beautiful? I think hope is the most beautiful kind of inspiration. Having faith in the world, in the universe, in yourself, that tomorrow will bring indifference to the things which may now burden your soul.

Cologne, Germany

01/11/17, 12:54

Sometimes it gets really tough…

Just yesterday I arrived in London to begin the third and final year of my studies. How I’m feeling about this is a post of its own, because my feelings have become so mixed and confused nowadays that the answer to this simple, easy question is not nearly as clear-cut as it should have been.

The second half of yesterday and the first half of today (approximately) have been incredibly hard for me. I’ve been feeling particularly vulnerable regarding my failed relationship; I’ve struggled to keep in control of myself in terms of not contacting my ex. The only other time I felt so in need of him was when I travelled to Greece with my parents for our summer holiday in the middle of August. I remember trying to stop myself calling for about half an hour before I could no longer resist the temptation and eventually – unfortunately? – gave in. I promised myself then that I would never call or message my ex again. I was somewhat happy to have given into the impulse then because I thought I had come out stronger, more determined than ever to forget him and move on. There was another instance in between that I just mentioned and today on which I couldn’t stop myself from contacting him, but that was just a bad day. The differentiation I’m trying to make here is basically that although I contacted my ex on this ‘bad day’, when I went on holiday with my parents to Greece and having come to London now (again with my parents), these last 2 situations don’t (necessarily) involve anything bad about them. Neither do I think the fact that my parents were and are with me has anything to do with my vulnerable state right now. Again, although my feelings about this academic year are mixed and confused, I don’t think this has anything to do with feeling this way – or at least shouldn’t have that great of an impact. I do think that what’s causing this is the change of circumstances. On both occasions (excluding the ‘bad day’), I travelled somewhere. I don’t know why travelling should have anything to do with it, but it appears that it does.

Sometimes it gets really tough… I’m just trying to understand why it gets so tough on these particular occasions when on other days I’m completely fine. If I could find out why I could try to deal with it. Nonetheless, this time I was able to withstand the urge. I didn’t call or message him! Let’s see how the rest of this term goes – I’m actually very scared about what’s to come. Stay tuned for the next post to find out why.